Do I overshare my own experiences? Do I talk about myself too much? Does this distract from Jesus? Maybe at times. Am I self-serving and vain in so doing? Maybe.
Until I started sharing my experiences through Christian article writing, I was a very reserved person. No one really knew me. My family did not really know me. I had no close and lasting friendships. People thought I was weird because I was so incredibly reclusive, quiet, and reserved. I did not respond to much. I never had much to say. I observed, and it seemed like when I would speak, people did not like what I had to say. So, why say anything?
I’m still that way, actually. Very few people get close. It’s a character flaw of mine, but one that I don’t know how to fix. I suppose I live a double life in a way. Online I feel free to expose things that I would not otherwise, to speak what I feel the Lord gives, and to share myself with others. I fear that if I were this way in my real life, I’d run everyone off. Very few want to live in the truth, and I think that is why I’ve spent most of my life silent.
I know that people might find reason to accuse me in my motives or in my faith because of the things I write. Even so, I will keep doing so for as long as the Lord allows.
One of the most terrible things in this life for me has been a feeling of loneliness. I’ve always felt like a “stranger on the earth.” My greatest sympathy is for those who are the same, so if my sharing can help one person feel less alone, then I will share. It’s freeing to share. It’s freeing to be real. It’s freeing to know that we are all flawed so there is no reason to pretend to be otherwise. Jesus says that the truth makes us free—and it does.
His truth makes us free. The Spirit of Truth makes us free. Living truthfully makes us free. I love the truth, and I love that He who is Truth placed that love in me.
The truth also exposes and kills…so I think that’s why so many hate it. Some of the truths I write are hard to hear, but I won’t hold back anything the Lord puts in me to say. Those who love truth will be comforted. As the scripturas say, “don’t my words do good to them that live uprightly?”
It is by the blood of Jesus that we can be counted as upright, but if we love the truth and seek Him, we will be made–by the grace of God–into the righteousness of Christ in some measure during our lives. We cannot lose sight of this.
I also don’t want to say the hard things the Lord gives without also sharing my faults. I think this provides a protection against hypocrisy or creating a false image of myself that seems better than I really am.
Making a fool of myself can also bring comfort to a few who feel alone, so I will gladly do it. In a world of Instagram, photoshop, social media, and all manner of temptation to being fraudulent, I think people find honesty refreshing. Or so I’ve been told by a few.
There are more things I want to share—and not because I just love to talk about myself—but because I feel like I must. Life is painful but sharing in that pain with others makes it more bearable. Is this a “misery loves company” mindset? I don’t think so. I think this is more of a mindset of fellowship, finding a place of truthfulness, and seeking Jesus so that we can let go of our pain and find relief.
This is what I most want to do. I love the teachings of Jesus and I love writing about them, but what I have most on my heart is sharing myself with my brethren and offering the real kind of safety, truthfulness, and accountability we so desperately need in this world.
We all want to feel safe. We all want a place. We look to the world for these things but Jesus is the real rest for our souls. I never want to distract from Jesus, but as much as He is in me, I will share of Him. We all have something of Him to share, and we can support one another as we look for more of Him together.